so that wasnt chicken after all
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize