You just made me feel so damn special
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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