i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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