it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
