If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
