It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
