why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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