The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
