TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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