im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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