Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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