i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
