i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
