I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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