i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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