I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
