speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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