She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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