People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
