his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
50% drunk capacity currently
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize