Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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