my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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