Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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