I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
