saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
