I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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