I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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