he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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