i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
third nipple confirmed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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