my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
