Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
