"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
