Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
