Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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