i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
