don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
