who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
