Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
