I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
