fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
