quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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