I like my sex mixed with concussions.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
