Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
