it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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