i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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