I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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