are you still at the devil's house?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dating After Heartbreak
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.