she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.