officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place