Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.