We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.