You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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