Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
