What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
