I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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