There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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