i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have poison ivy on my dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16