She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.