Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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