She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?