Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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