Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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