now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
