On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
