we have pet lesbian snakes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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